Dear Steph, let me start by telling you that all humans need validation; there is nothing wrong with wanting to be validated. We all do; you are only human. But what I really want to tell you is that you are already successful and validated, by the fact that you are here, that you have been here for 2 years, that you have 96 subscribers, and that you know who you are writing for! That's more than most of the writers on Substack! Be proud of yourself, and celebrate that!
So congratulations, and keep doing what makes *you* happy, and know that you are only *enough* if it is enough for you and you alone! ❤️
Yi Xue 姐姐, thank you. thank you for seeing me. hearing me. and loving me. I'm so grateful that the Substack universe brought us together! coming from a culture where I didn't receive a lot of validation, your words are a tonic that are nurturing and nourishing my soul. thank you for being here with me! and yes, f*ck the stats 🙊 sending lots of love and hugs!
That is one thing I am most grateful to Substack - that it brings people like us together!
I grew up in one culture and became a whole person in another. Along the way, I learned many lessons (and am continue to learn). If at anytime I can be of any help or share any of my learnings, please feel free to reach out to me directly. ❣️
I have a lot to say about this, so I might do it in a full length essay. So, thank you. But essentially, it comes down, for me at least, enjoying reading and writing. And combining this with connecting with other people is where nice things happen.
I try to read and thoughtfully comment on other people's work, show interest, show up, share, etc, but surprisingly, it's not always reciprocated. I'm sure there are a variety of reasons for this, too. If this was face to face, it would be rude to not show interest in another person, and yet it happens all the time. It's the world we live in now. So, I move on, and continue to try to connect with like-minded people.
The point being decide what you want. For me, I told myself if just one person leaves a comment that demonstrates care or 'validation', then I'll hold on to that because it means someone saw me, you know?
i'm very much looking forward to your essay! please keep me posted :)
i've also been in situations where i've read and engaged with other people's work and it hasn't been reciprocated. that's actually one of my peeves on this platform specifically - many people talk and promote community but when it's their turn to engage, they 1) don't or 2) engage superficially aka respond superficially. lol this could be a topic for another day too haha
and YES to deciding what you want ! i've realized that in many situations i never went in with what *I* wanted. I went in with what I thought I should want. not surprising, i usually left the situation unhappy. i'm excited to relearn how to determine what *I* want and not letting external narratives + expectations creep into that.
i'm grateful we found each other! i'm grateful you continue to show up and share your magic with us! i really appreciate and enjoy your words <3
Yes! All of this. I have been on the same journey - spending money I don't have to "find" myself and my place in the world. I have tried it all and I realized that the people who make the 5 figures per month make that money because they are selling their "secrets" to people like me. And I figured out very quickly that it's all smoke and mirrors for the most part. It's finding something you like to do and showing up consistently. Big hugs!
finding something you like and showing up consistently... THAT'S the secret! one of my other issues is pursuing things i think i *should* do in order to be "accepted" by society. i've noticed that a huge weight has been lifted after not giving that idea any more f*cks 😅🤣 i'm committing to doing what *I* like and showing up consistently! love you!
I am so glad that are understanding your purpose in writing and sharing your vulnerability. You're reaching the people you're meant to. So often I read your posts, and I am inspired by the fact that you are consistently posting, which I have not yet. I am inspired by your willingness to show your heart, your fears, your doubts, your humanity. You have 96 inspired readers, and that's a lot better than 9K people who may or may not even read your posts. I truly believe if you keep shining your light through your writing, that sooner rather than later, it will begin to resonate out. One thing we 97 readers can do is share your posts with our friends and families who might benefit from it, so I will commit to do that for you at least once this year. Keep going and keep being you. You are an amazing person who I am proud to know. Sending you so much love.
🥹 Shelly, my sister, I am so grateful we met when we did. We found each other as I was just beginning my writing journey. Hearing your words that weekend inspired me to lean in to and celebrate my own creativity as well as pursue vulnerability and authenticity. Thank you for supporting, encouraging, loving and believing in me!
I look forward to the moment when you're feeling called to share again. I'll be waiting on the other side! Love you!!
Congratulations on such profound self-awareness and growth! I don’t know how I ended up a subscriber. I subscribe to no more than 2 dozen writers and read less than that consistently. Your writing is always one I look forward to reading. Thank you for writing and sharing. I’m very appreciative and grateful. You are part of my inspiration for considering starting my own substack. XO
thank you, my dear Christina 🙏🩷 I can’t even begin to describe the impact your kind and generous words are having on me. I’m low key crying as I witness my inner child beam with joy. Thank you for seeing us as a writer! I am grateful for YOU! And please start a Substack! We need your magic!! Do keep me posted!! 😘😘😘
I subscribed to your Substack because you are honest. What you write is true and it gives me a perspective on life I don’t have, but want. Follow your heart, Steph. Your hundred subscribers want who you really are to write what you really think. And honestly, I’d get stage fright if I had to make a presentation in front of a hundred people.
thank you for being here with me! i'm so grateful we found each other, Switter. your words are reminding me of how powerful it is for each of us to continue showing up. the same way that i give you perspective, you give me perspective! i always walk away from your writing with a motivation to stay curious and speak up!
lol i would absolutely be frightened to speak to an audience this large in person! that's the other thing about the digital world. it does a good job of making you feel like even hundreds and thousands of people aren't enough. i don't want to ever get to a place where people are just numbers and no longer people in my eyes.
Thanks, Steph. Keep at it. Your truth is more important to your people than the big timers with thousands of subscribers. I pay little attention to them, because most are paywalled and I am nothing to them. I refer being part of a “micro” audience where my attention actually matters.
Thank you for sharing so openly about your journey to where you’ve come. I hope you feel some relief in your new realization. I see so much of myself in your frustrations and self-doubts. I also cringe when I see those overnight success stories (the jealousy is real) and start to question myself all over again. But we’re going to keep doing things our way - authentically and we’re not going to give up.
I’m happy to be one of the 96. Thanks for being real, for being yourself. 😊
Serena, my dear one! I'm sending a big, virtual hug. I'm feeling your words so deeply. The jealousy is so real. i feel like I have a particularly severe case of the jealousies and i struggle with fixating on what someone else is accomplishing, achieving and receiving... 😮💨 i've always beat myself up for these feelings. lol lots of therapy and healing work has and is occurring 🤣
i'm reaching a place where i can finally receive the reframe that to be jealous is to be human and instead of attempting to shove down the mess, i'm learning to embrace it. the same way my toddlers eat spaghetti - hot, f*cking mess but also so much joy, fun and play in the experience!
thank you for being here <3 i'm so grateful for you! sending you all my love!!
Thank you Steph! I love your spaghetti analogy. Well, at least you’re working through it (and so am I) and we both know that we’re not alone! And no matter what, there will always be someone more “successful” so it’s a never-ending process.
Thanks for the kind words and big hugs. I’m sending big hugs to you too! 🤗
"Overnight" success is not a thing. People saying that are either not telling you about the effort and time they put in before that "night", or making up their success, or both.
That’s true. But there have been people who’ve grown substantially in subscriber numbers in a short period of time which is what I am referring to. Sometimes it’s a matter of being in the right place at the right time, luck, connections and having a finger on the pulse — or any combination of those things. But it doesn’t do any good to be jealous so I’ll keep plugging away and grow in my own time.
This was so beautiful Steph, wow what an exhale! You’ve got all the answers within you, no need to follow rules by someone else; it’s you who set the rules! 🫶🏼 stay committed to the dream and follow your gut 💖
Hi Steph, first of all, I LOVE your voice! I really enjoyed listening to it. Hearing your voice makes me feel closer to you.
I resonate a lot with what you wrote, esp. this: "My hope is that if you come across my art, you leave feeling a little less alone and a little more courageous to show up authentically for yourselves and your dreams." It is my goal, too, of writing on Substack.
I think many of us have gone down a similar path of chasing subscribers and validation, and the dream of "success" as marketed by Substack itself and some of the writers here. It's all a learning process. Your being here consistently for 2 years is no small feat. It attests to your resilience and trust in the creative process itself. Plus, showing up as your authentic self is such a courageous act. Numbers won't ever be able to capture that kind of personal success!
My experience has been that the number of subscribers has very little to do with meaningful engagement, and I'd take the latter any day.
I compare the relationship with readers to trying out clothes in a fitting room. At the end of a fitting session, you take home a few pieces that make the best fit. That's my approach. I don't need to take home all the clothes in the store. Just a few that fit and give me joy when I wear them would do. My home isn't a department store, after all 😄
Omg I love your clothing analogy! I’m actually visualizing my Substack as a cute little boutique. It’s really inspiring and infusing a fresh energy into nurturing my page. I wouldn’t put less care into a small boutique because it wasn’t a massive department store. In fact, I think I would put more into it because of the community!! Thank you for sharing your beautiful ideas with me!! 🩷🩷
Oooh, I love your analogy of a boutique! So happy that our discussion sparked new ideas like this. I think getting to know what jives with you is a positive result of experimentation. For me, I've noticed that I feel better with the "boutique style" no matter what I do, even in gardening, LOL! I remember a fellow gardener commenting on my garden plots, comparing it to a boutique, because I don't plant veggies en masse. Instead, I prefer to plan a little bit of everything and give them a lot of individual attention.
Enjoy building your boutique--both the physical one and the virtual one!
Steph, I really enjoyed this post - I am very particular about subscribing (so much reading!) but I knew I would join yours as you write so well about a difficult topic. I am always drawn to honest writers who I relate to and who are brave enough to make themselves vulnerable.
Because it is SO hard and writing is possibly the worst thing that anyone can pursue if they are feeling unsure of themselves, since it easily provides Those-Mean-Voices in one's head with a full meal and dessert. Anyway, happy to be here and look forward to reading more.
And incidentally, picture your 100 subscribers packed into a room together - and know that they all signed up to read YOU! Nothing to feel bad about here, I say ...
Dear Sue, thank you so much for your generous words! Your support and encouragement mean more than I have words to express. Every time I hit the *post* button, I'm immediately transported to English class - you just finished reading the last word of your piece and the teacher asks the class, "who would like to comment on Stephanie's piece first?" You're standing their on the verge of collapse from the nerves shaking your entire body because you've just shared your vulnerability and tenderness.
I feel so grateful and privileged to be a part of your social space. There are so many wonderful and talented artists. I am humbled you've allowed me into your world. Sending the biggest hugs!
This post inspired me to subscribe to your Substack (and I only subscribe to one other substack at the moment) because this was so vulnerable and so real and made me feel less alone on my own journey.
I'm excited to keep reading and supporting your writing journey.
darling Kayla, thank you, thank you, thank you 🩷 i honestly can't even begin to describe my gratitude for your support and encouragement.
since i've embarked on my writing journey, i've struggled with a severe case of imposter syndrome. i've never written 'professionally.' i've never been published. so who am i to write? am i doing this 'right?' is it selfish to root my writing in my experiences because we're always supposed to be thinking about the reader right? lol i don't know where i'm supposed to put my commas. just a glimpse into my daily mindset struggles of stepping into this new identity.
you have given me courage to keep going. to persist. so thank you from the deepest parts of my soul for choosing to be here with me! grateful for you, my friend 🙏
Writing for my daughters. That struck me. Wow, yes, it would be beautiful if my children can read my writing someday. But yes, we also write for ourselves and for our inner child. ❤️ let's keep writing !
Steph, this piece is a mic drop. That assumption—that you’d feel pride only after following someone else’s formula? What a load of crap. You’ve not only called it out, you’ve flipped it the bird and walked off stage in your power.
Your words are the kind of rallying cry that makes me want to stand on a chair and yell, “YES!” It’s a reminder that our worth isn’t waiting on anyone’s rubber stamp. Thank you for writing the truth we all need to hear—and for giving the middle finger to cookie-cutter success stories.
🥹 thank you for seeing me, Danusia! i feel like we were all sold a scam that there are certain people who "know the answers." lol no one does -we're all just figuring it out! i think it's part of our human experience to actually EXPERIENCE and learn for ourselves. that's what makes us each so special and unique!! and why ALL our perspectives are important. we each bring our own magic to this wild cocktail that is the world. it's what makes life so special.
here's to us and sticking it to cookie-cutter success stories! always cheering you on, love!!
Dear Steph, let me start by telling you that all humans need validation; there is nothing wrong with wanting to be validated. We all do; you are only human. But what I really want to tell you is that you are already successful and validated, by the fact that you are here, that you have been here for 2 years, that you have 96 subscribers, and that you know who you are writing for! That's more than most of the writers on Substack! Be proud of yourself, and celebrate that!
So congratulations, and keep doing what makes *you* happy, and know that you are only *enough* if it is enough for you and you alone! ❤️
Oh, and fxxx the subscriber stats 😆.
Yi Xue 姐姐, thank you. thank you for seeing me. hearing me. and loving me. I'm so grateful that the Substack universe brought us together! coming from a culture where I didn't receive a lot of validation, your words are a tonic that are nurturing and nourishing my soul. thank you for being here with me! and yes, f*ck the stats 🙊 sending lots of love and hugs!
That is one thing I am most grateful to Substack - that it brings people like us together!
I grew up in one culture and became a whole person in another. Along the way, I learned many lessons (and am continue to learn). If at anytime I can be of any help or share any of my learnings, please feel free to reach out to me directly. ❣️
I have a lot to say about this, so I might do it in a full length essay. So, thank you. But essentially, it comes down, for me at least, enjoying reading and writing. And combining this with connecting with other people is where nice things happen.
I try to read and thoughtfully comment on other people's work, show interest, show up, share, etc, but surprisingly, it's not always reciprocated. I'm sure there are a variety of reasons for this, too. If this was face to face, it would be rude to not show interest in another person, and yet it happens all the time. It's the world we live in now. So, I move on, and continue to try to connect with like-minded people.
The point being decide what you want. For me, I told myself if just one person leaves a comment that demonstrates care or 'validation', then I'll hold on to that because it means someone saw me, you know?
i'm very much looking forward to your essay! please keep me posted :)
i've also been in situations where i've read and engaged with other people's work and it hasn't been reciprocated. that's actually one of my peeves on this platform specifically - many people talk and promote community but when it's their turn to engage, they 1) don't or 2) engage superficially aka respond superficially. lol this could be a topic for another day too haha
and YES to deciding what you want ! i've realized that in many situations i never went in with what *I* wanted. I went in with what I thought I should want. not surprising, i usually left the situation unhappy. i'm excited to relearn how to determine what *I* want and not letting external narratives + expectations creep into that.
i'm grateful we found each other! i'm grateful you continue to show up and share your magic with us! i really appreciate and enjoy your words <3
I know what you mean. I feel like I’ve had to pivot and remind myself of what matters—and to remember to protect my mental health! xo
Yes! All of this. I have been on the same journey - spending money I don't have to "find" myself and my place in the world. I have tried it all and I realized that the people who make the 5 figures per month make that money because they are selling their "secrets" to people like me. And I figured out very quickly that it's all smoke and mirrors for the most part. It's finding something you like to do and showing up consistently. Big hugs!
finding something you like and showing up consistently... THAT'S the secret! one of my other issues is pursuing things i think i *should* do in order to be "accepted" by society. i've noticed that a huge weight has been lifted after not giving that idea any more f*cks 😅🤣 i'm committing to doing what *I* like and showing up consistently! love you!
ahem cough cough *coaching* Love you!
I would not trust any "success secrets" if there is a $ on it. Let me take it back - there is no secret in success, period. lol
amen, sister! I've decided selling secrets is a scam 😅🤣
😆😆😆
I am so glad that are understanding your purpose in writing and sharing your vulnerability. You're reaching the people you're meant to. So often I read your posts, and I am inspired by the fact that you are consistently posting, which I have not yet. I am inspired by your willingness to show your heart, your fears, your doubts, your humanity. You have 96 inspired readers, and that's a lot better than 9K people who may or may not even read your posts. I truly believe if you keep shining your light through your writing, that sooner rather than later, it will begin to resonate out. One thing we 97 readers can do is share your posts with our friends and families who might benefit from it, so I will commit to do that for you at least once this year. Keep going and keep being you. You are an amazing person who I am proud to know. Sending you so much love.
🥹 Shelly, my sister, I am so grateful we met when we did. We found each other as I was just beginning my writing journey. Hearing your words that weekend inspired me to lean in to and celebrate my own creativity as well as pursue vulnerability and authenticity. Thank you for supporting, encouraging, loving and believing in me!
I look forward to the moment when you're feeling called to share again. I'll be waiting on the other side! Love you!!
Congratulations on such profound self-awareness and growth! I don’t know how I ended up a subscriber. I subscribe to no more than 2 dozen writers and read less than that consistently. Your writing is always one I look forward to reading. Thank you for writing and sharing. I’m very appreciative and grateful. You are part of my inspiration for considering starting my own substack. XO
thank you, my dear Christina 🙏🩷 I can’t even begin to describe the impact your kind and generous words are having on me. I’m low key crying as I witness my inner child beam with joy. Thank you for seeing us as a writer! I am grateful for YOU! And please start a Substack! We need your magic!! Do keep me posted!! 😘😘😘
I subscribed to your Substack because you are honest. What you write is true and it gives me a perspective on life I don’t have, but want. Follow your heart, Steph. Your hundred subscribers want who you really are to write what you really think. And honestly, I’d get stage fright if I had to make a presentation in front of a hundred people.
Small is beautiful, too.
thank you for being here with me! i'm so grateful we found each other, Switter. your words are reminding me of how powerful it is for each of us to continue showing up. the same way that i give you perspective, you give me perspective! i always walk away from your writing with a motivation to stay curious and speak up!
lol i would absolutely be frightened to speak to an audience this large in person! that's the other thing about the digital world. it does a good job of making you feel like even hundreds and thousands of people aren't enough. i don't want to ever get to a place where people are just numbers and no longer people in my eyes.
big hugs to you!!
Thanks, Steph. Keep at it. Your truth is more important to your people than the big timers with thousands of subscribers. I pay little attention to them, because most are paywalled and I am nothing to them. I refer being part of a “micro” audience where my attention actually matters.
Thank you for sharing so openly about your journey to where you’ve come. I hope you feel some relief in your new realization. I see so much of myself in your frustrations and self-doubts. I also cringe when I see those overnight success stories (the jealousy is real) and start to question myself all over again. But we’re going to keep doing things our way - authentically and we’re not going to give up.
I’m happy to be one of the 96. Thanks for being real, for being yourself. 😊
Serena, my dear one! I'm sending a big, virtual hug. I'm feeling your words so deeply. The jealousy is so real. i feel like I have a particularly severe case of the jealousies and i struggle with fixating on what someone else is accomplishing, achieving and receiving... 😮💨 i've always beat myself up for these feelings. lol lots of therapy and healing work has and is occurring 🤣
i'm reaching a place where i can finally receive the reframe that to be jealous is to be human and instead of attempting to shove down the mess, i'm learning to embrace it. the same way my toddlers eat spaghetti - hot, f*cking mess but also so much joy, fun and play in the experience!
thank you for being here <3 i'm so grateful for you! sending you all my love!!
Thank you Steph! I love your spaghetti analogy. Well, at least you’re working through it (and so am I) and we both know that we’re not alone! And no matter what, there will always be someone more “successful” so it’s a never-ending process.
Thanks for the kind words and big hugs. I’m sending big hugs to you too! 🤗
"Overnight" success is not a thing. People saying that are either not telling you about the effort and time they put in before that "night", or making up their success, or both.
That’s true. But there have been people who’ve grown substantially in subscriber numbers in a short period of time which is what I am referring to. Sometimes it’s a matter of being in the right place at the right time, luck, connections and having a finger on the pulse — or any combination of those things. But it doesn’t do any good to be jealous so I’ll keep plugging away and grow in my own time.
This made me feel so much less alone and very "held". I feel seen and understood so well. And I'm pumped to be among your 96.
i'm grateful for you, my friend! thank you for being here!! ❤️
This was so beautiful Steph, wow what an exhale! You’ve got all the answers within you, no need to follow rules by someone else; it’s you who set the rules! 🫶🏼 stay committed to the dream and follow your gut 💖
YES, YES, YES, YES!! i'm grateful i've found YOU as my person 💖 thank you for reminding me of my magic and to always pursue it!!
Hi Steph, first of all, I LOVE your voice! I really enjoyed listening to it. Hearing your voice makes me feel closer to you.
I resonate a lot with what you wrote, esp. this: "My hope is that if you come across my art, you leave feeling a little less alone and a little more courageous to show up authentically for yourselves and your dreams." It is my goal, too, of writing on Substack.
I think many of us have gone down a similar path of chasing subscribers and validation, and the dream of "success" as marketed by Substack itself and some of the writers here. It's all a learning process. Your being here consistently for 2 years is no small feat. It attests to your resilience and trust in the creative process itself. Plus, showing up as your authentic self is such a courageous act. Numbers won't ever be able to capture that kind of personal success!
My experience has been that the number of subscribers has very little to do with meaningful engagement, and I'd take the latter any day.
I compare the relationship with readers to trying out clothes in a fitting room. At the end of a fitting session, you take home a few pieces that make the best fit. That's my approach. I don't need to take home all the clothes in the store. Just a few that fit and give me joy when I wear them would do. My home isn't a department store, after all 😄
Omg I love your clothing analogy! I’m actually visualizing my Substack as a cute little boutique. It’s really inspiring and infusing a fresh energy into nurturing my page. I wouldn’t put less care into a small boutique because it wasn’t a massive department store. In fact, I think I would put more into it because of the community!! Thank you for sharing your beautiful ideas with me!! 🩷🩷
Oooh, I love your analogy of a boutique! So happy that our discussion sparked new ideas like this. I think getting to know what jives with you is a positive result of experimentation. For me, I've noticed that I feel better with the "boutique style" no matter what I do, even in gardening, LOL! I remember a fellow gardener commenting on my garden plots, comparing it to a boutique, because I don't plant veggies en masse. Instead, I prefer to plan a little bit of everything and give them a lot of individual attention.
Enjoy building your boutique--both the physical one and the virtual one!
Steph, I really enjoyed this post - I am very particular about subscribing (so much reading!) but I knew I would join yours as you write so well about a difficult topic. I am always drawn to honest writers who I relate to and who are brave enough to make themselves vulnerable.
Because it is SO hard and writing is possibly the worst thing that anyone can pursue if they are feeling unsure of themselves, since it easily provides Those-Mean-Voices in one's head with a full meal and dessert. Anyway, happy to be here and look forward to reading more.
And incidentally, picture your 100 subscribers packed into a room together - and know that they all signed up to read YOU! Nothing to feel bad about here, I say ...
Dear Sue, thank you so much for your generous words! Your support and encouragement mean more than I have words to express. Every time I hit the *post* button, I'm immediately transported to English class - you just finished reading the last word of your piece and the teacher asks the class, "who would like to comment on Stephanie's piece first?" You're standing their on the verge of collapse from the nerves shaking your entire body because you've just shared your vulnerability and tenderness.
I feel so grateful and privileged to be a part of your social space. There are so many wonderful and talented artists. I am humbled you've allowed me into your world. Sending the biggest hugs!
This post inspired me to subscribe to your Substack (and I only subscribe to one other substack at the moment) because this was so vulnerable and so real and made me feel less alone on my own journey.
I'm excited to keep reading and supporting your writing journey.
darling Kayla, thank you, thank you, thank you 🩷 i honestly can't even begin to describe my gratitude for your support and encouragement.
since i've embarked on my writing journey, i've struggled with a severe case of imposter syndrome. i've never written 'professionally.' i've never been published. so who am i to write? am i doing this 'right?' is it selfish to root my writing in my experiences because we're always supposed to be thinking about the reader right? lol i don't know where i'm supposed to put my commas. just a glimpse into my daily mindset struggles of stepping into this new identity.
you have given me courage to keep going. to persist. so thank you from the deepest parts of my soul for choosing to be here with me! grateful for you, my friend 🙏
Writing for my daughters. That struck me. Wow, yes, it would be beautiful if my children can read my writing someday. But yes, we also write for ourselves and for our inner child. ❤️ let's keep writing !
YES to always writing! 💖
Steph, this piece is a mic drop. That assumption—that you’d feel pride only after following someone else’s formula? What a load of crap. You’ve not only called it out, you’ve flipped it the bird and walked off stage in your power.
Your words are the kind of rallying cry that makes me want to stand on a chair and yell, “YES!” It’s a reminder that our worth isn’t waiting on anyone’s rubber stamp. Thank you for writing the truth we all need to hear—and for giving the middle finger to cookie-cutter success stories.
🥹 thank you for seeing me, Danusia! i feel like we were all sold a scam that there are certain people who "know the answers." lol no one does -we're all just figuring it out! i think it's part of our human experience to actually EXPERIENCE and learn for ourselves. that's what makes us each so special and unique!! and why ALL our perspectives are important. we each bring our own magic to this wild cocktail that is the world. it's what makes life so special.
here's to us and sticking it to cookie-cutter success stories! always cheering you on, love!!